Hello, my name is Dagney. We’ve probably met before because Mom writes stories about me all the time. She never asked permission, but what can I say. Really, what can I say? I barked, grunted, and turned away at first, but eventually learned it is easier to just pose for the pictures. If I am to be honest, I like the attention.
As a pup, the camera flashed in my face at all hours of the day and night. Once, when I laid curled and comfortable in the overstuffed comforter on our bed, I heard Mom call my name in a sweet, coaxing way. I looked up to see what she had to offer, and she snapped this picture. She didn’t even have a treat in her hand. I felt so violated.
Now Mom has this bright idea to create a book of pictures. Honestly, I am quite impressed. With my face, who wouldn’t want to browse the pages. Add to my awesomeness the opportunity to educate readers and share new vocabulary, and I must admit, she might be on to something.
When I was young, learning language was hard. When Mom said “sit” she meant stay. It took me a while to realize on walks I didn’t have to place my butt on the cold, hard sidewalk at every corner. She just wanted me to stay so those human tuna cans didn’t squish my remains for a buzzard sandwich.
Learning the basic commands was a breeze, but I enjoyed practicing. Each time I performed; I got a treat. I might be a dog, but I am not stupid. Treats, baby!
The idea for this book developed when Mom talked to her granddaughters on the phone. She still calls it a phone, but really, it’s a little TV called Alexa — so much more than a phone! Alexa is a voice controlled virtual assistant that possesses the ability to control every aspect of a human’s life.
My mom only uses this device to call the kids and play music. Well, actually I heard her once ask how many tablespoons are in 16 oz, and once she requested a joke. I still remember the joke. I laughed, but Mom didn’t find the humor.
Alexa asked, “What kind of dog can you get at the bakery?”
Answer — Pure bread!
Those grandkids talk strange but being a master of many languages, I understand when mom just looks confused. She started a project, a picture dictionary, that shares a definition using a pic of me and a short explanation. This helps Mom understand the new words kids use nowadays. I say words as a euphemism. They grunt noises and expect us to understand. Make up their own words, if you ask me.
Sometimes I see Mom reading the Urban Dictionary. I think she’ll like my version better. It looks like this.
Adorkable
Kids can be so lazy. They so often combine two words to make one. This is my cousin Juggernaut with his favorite squishy. For such a big dog he is kind of a dork yet so adorable; he’s adorkable.
Attention Whore
The first time Mom called me this, I almost cried because it sounded so mean. But then my little brother, Francisco, came to live with us. He will do anything for attention! Now, I understand the meaning of this word better.
BFF
Not only did my brother steal the attention when he came to live with us, he stole my friend. Sofie and I used to lay beside each other and soak up the sun but now she plays with him. I think they are going to be BFF - best friends forever.
Black dog
When I heard this phrase, I thought it racist, but when I met this guy, it made sense. I don’t know if he was angry or in a bad mood, but he is antisocial behavior and in a dark mood.
CEO
Dad is the Chief Executive Officer of family. He makes things happen. Check out this basket he installed on the bike so we can ride together.
Cray
Francisco is crazy. I’ve warned him about chewing on electrical wires, but he doesn’t listen. I just shake my head and whisper, “Cray. Cray.” Mom gets upset when I call him names, but it’s true.
I imagine you get the idea of how this book works. I’ve collected all the strange words the kids use, found a picture that demonstrates how to define the word and then wrote a few words to help Mom understand. When it is done, I think she will really like it.