Parenting A B C D E F . . .
Assurance, belief, commitment, discipline, and education
The Wise Man and the Foolish Man
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
And the rains came tumbling downThe rains came down and the floods came up
The rains came down and the floods came up
The rains came down and the floods came up
But the house on the rock stood firmThe foolish man built his house upon the sand
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
And the rains came tumbling downThe rains came down and the floods came up
The rains came down and the floods came up
The rains came down and the floods came up
And the house on the sand fell flat— Lyrics by Ann Omley, 1948
Can you imagine what would happen to the house in the photo if the base proved unstable? If one rock broke free? If erosion wore away just the tiniest bit of the stone that holds the home together? The same principles that secure this home were used by my parents to support our family.
Assure
I recognize my fortune growing up in a middle-class home in the 70’s — knowing that when I woke in the morning Mom would have breakfast waiting and Dad would be at work earning money to keep our household financially stable.
I lived in a two-parent home. An adult greeted us when we walked into the house after school. We never doubted that we were loved and safe, and this was reinforced each night when our parents tucked us into bed.
The assurances of security may not look the same in each home but exists when a child knows what to expect. Growing up, we were assured that the sun would come up tomorrow, and we slept soundly without the worry of what might happen.
Believe
Without the constant fear of what might happen, we believed we were safe which created opportunities to explore and mature.
We played with the neighborhood kids outside during all seasons without concerns about global warming. In the spring, irrigation ditches became our public swimming pools, and nobody feared pesticides. There was no need to watch for strangers who might abduct children. When it was time to go in for the night, Dad’s whistle echoed around the block.
Summers produced red cherries, green apples, scraped knees and opportunities to sleep outside. I question if sunscreen or mosquito spray existed; West Nile did not. Fall brought cooler weather and Halloween. Dressed in costumes sewn by mom, we trick-or-treated. Nobody warned us not to approach darkened homes because they housed sexual predators. At home, we devoured candy and handmade treats without even thinking about having them x-rayed.
Commit
My parents accepted work as a part of life. They never expected others to support our family. They demonstrated the correlation between work and success and made commitments to complete every job while teaching us to do the same.
With money as a limited resource, we built stilts out of extra 2 X 6 boards, and dad made us wooden guns that shot rubber strips cut from old bike tubes. We knew not to aim at anyone, and nobody ever lost an eye. In play and work, we promised to respect the rules and we did because we were told to.
As a teen when I wanted money to go to a movie, I gathered aluminum cans to recycle, babysat, or pulled weeds. Work provided money. I never saw anyone sitting outside the grocery store with a sign asking for money.
No, we were not perfect, and we did rebel. However, Mom and Dad followed through on their promise and we took them at there word, “If we got in trouble outside the home, we would face harsher consequences at home.” They never shirked their responsibilities and loved us enough to follow through.
Discipline
When a problem arose in our neighborhood, parents met and shared concerns on the front doorstep. A resolution developed with input from all parties without placing blame. This didn’t stop the squabbles at the bus stop but my brother and Bruce, the neighbor boy who challenged his turf, learned to share the same airspace without weapons, threats or constant bullying.
Adults actively participated in our lives. The options to keep secrets were limited because a cord attached phones to the wall and conversations occurred in the kitchen within hearing range of the family. We lived life in the open.
We were normal kids but not perfect; we made mistakes and accepted consequences. Insolence was not tolerated, especially towards mom. “Wait until your father gets home,” produced repentance.
We had family night once a week where we played games and discussed family issues. During these meetings we discussed expectations, questioned rules, and negotiated allowances. TV shows presented families like ours. Now, in retrospect, I call them wholesome. Our lives were reality, not something to measure against reality TV.
Educate
All our friends attended public school. The curriculum consisted of reading, writing, math, science, and values. Church preached creationism while science teachers explained evolution. Nobody complained.
Nobody ever brought drugs or alcohol to school, nobody vaped, no girls got pregnant in high school, and school shootings didn’t exist (to my knowledge).
When I graduated, I enrolled in college because I desired a higher education and paid tuition by working — a lot. The responsibility to choose the direction of my life rested with me but was supported by important adults.
This was the alphabet (A, B, C, D, E) that governed our life. However, I would be remiss not to mention the F. We were children so if the fun was missing, the glue that held everything together would have been missing. Mom and Dad taught us to laugh and enjoy life.
Frolic
In the winter, when it snowed, we built forts, launched sleds, and a day ended with hot chocolate topped with marshmallows. We played with our neighbors and getting together meant gathering in the backyard.
We went on a family vacation each year, usually camping or to visit grandma, but I remember one year when we made it to Disneyland. All experiences was fun because we shared them as a family.
Mom and Dad provided a supportive home for us because they were honest, fair, compassionate, and loving, all behaviors that are easy to practice if we assure, believe, commit, discipline, and educate.
A builder must accept the basic rules of architectural design for a house to have structural integrity, remain stable, and provide for the safety of the occupants. My parents lived by similar principles in our home to build integrity, provide stability, and assures our health and happiness. Our view of the world is beautiful because of Mom and Dad.
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